Six tips to help your child self soothe by Dr. Munn Saechao | Clinical Psychologist Specializing in treating adults and teens with ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression in Mountain View, CA.
We often expect teenagers to do more than they’re capable of. Research indicates that the prefrontal cortex is not fully formed until mid 20s, the area responsible for emotional regulation, self-control, planning, organizing, time management, and attention, to name several.⠀
When teens are experiencing a meltdown related to peer relationships or academics, our teens need us to help them calm down. If academic pressure is part of the meltdown, reducing performance anxiety can help children and adolescents feel safer, calmer, and more supported. Part of supporting teens through emotional moments is cultivating a growth mindset so they can begin to see challenges as something they can work through over time.
There are many ways we can do this, such as 1) hugging them, which lowers their cortisol, releases oxytocin, and alters their nervous system to a calmer state, 2) providing a soft, warm look to show compassion, 3) listening to them, which acknowledges their experience and allows them to feel seen, 4) validating their feelings, which shows that you understand, 5) telling them that you’re there throughout the whole process, which shows that your love is unconditional, and 6) helping them to problem solve, which lets them know that their input matters, and they’re capable of tackling issues, a life long valuable lesson. When parents promote a growth mindset, they help children and adolescents build confidence in their ability to learn, adapt, and try again. Asking thoughtful growth mindset questions can also help teens reflect on challenges without feeling judged or criticized.⠀
Do you have ideas of how to soothe your teen while teaching them life long skills? I’d love to hear!⠀
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Frequently Asked Questions
How can parents help kids calm down during big emotions? Parents can help by staying regulated, naming the feeling, reducing demands, and guiding children toward simple coping skills they can practice over time.
When should I seek support for my child’s meltdowns or anxiety? Support may help when meltdowns, anxiety, or emotional outbursts happen often, disrupt daily life, or leave the family feeling stuck.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. If you are experiencing distress or need help, please consult with a licensed clinician, go to your nearest emergency room, or call emergency services.
Grit Mindset Therapy | Clinical Psychologist Specializing in ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression in Mountain View, CA
Munn Saechao, PsyD, LCSW, PPSC
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